PARENT vs. CHILD The winner is…
By: Jeremy Teekasingh
"Yeah, pretty much" was the response given by 17-year-old Deepa Jayanti Shiwcharan, an upcoming senior at Benjamin Cardozo High School, when asked if she thought she was being forced into becoming something that she doesn't want to be.
"I want to become an author," Deepa said. "My brother wants me to do something medical related." Deepa's brother, her legal guardian, discourages her from persuading a career as an author. "He would always say if you don't want to move to a rich neighborhood, and be able to buy nice things for yourself, go become an author. Only a few people actually make it."
In other words, Deepa knows that her brother "doesn't think I have what it takes to become rich and famous if I were to become an author."
This has been a "growing trend" in many Asian-Indian households throughout the country. Matter of fact, it's considered a very important part of Asian-Indian culture. "It is the parents and other elders who decide what their kids would do with their life, most notably in Indian, and South Asian countries," said Sanjeev Himachali, an Indian journalist specializing in family issues within American-born Indian families.
The status quo for most Indian teenagers is to accept this fate and fulfill their parents' expectations without a fight. Mr. Himachali narrows it down to two major factors. Number one: "The one who pays makes the decision. It is the parents of the kids who pay for their education and hence they make the decision." Number two: "Respect or fear of repercussions. Teenagers aren't brought up as independent and free, hence if they do not listen to their parents then they will have very little to do on their own." Himachali even goes on to say, that in some cases, parents will deprive any inheritances from their children.
However as true as the circumstances may be, not all youths are faced with obstacles and challenges like Deepa. These circumstances may be considered stereotypical, but American society has been able to alter age-old traditions.
Annalisa Mootilal, an incoming freshman at Hunter College, says she doesn't feel pressured by her parents, who are of Trinidadian decent. "My parents support my decisions. They never input any ideas about different careers to me," the psychology major hopeful said.
It has become evident that some families stick to the values and traditions instilled in them from previous generations. However, through being introduced to a new culture here in the United States, many have learned to compromise in order to "fit in" and allow their children to do the same. "A new environment and lifestyle has a big influence on whether or not parents decide to follow the same usual traditions," Himachali said. He goes on to suggest that because of modern day technology, Indian and South Asian American children are becoming more exposed to various careers and occupations. "The variety is endless. In the past five years, the amount of South Asian-American youth who consider themselves free to do as they please has risen by about 14% from where it was prior to 2006."
Although Himachali's research was only limited to those on the Eastern Seaboard, he thinks it still is an accurate picture because the bulk of Indian Americans live in this area.
The Indian American culture is not the only culture who tries to influence their kids' paths. The feeling of knowing best for your children is seen in many foreign cultures now present in America.
"Sometimes what your parents want you to be may not always be what you desire to be," said Rashaad Ahmad, a 14 year old sophomore at Kew Forest High School. "Sometimes they think they know what is better for you even though your desire is to approach a different career path." Rashaad's family is originally from Guyana, a small country off the coast of South America. Despite being from another country, Rashaad admits to still being influenced by his parents when it comes time to talk about choosing a profession. "Most parents tell their kids they want them growing up to be a doctor or a lawyer, so it's usually those two jobs, but my eyes are pretty much set on business and I'd rather stay in that sector."
The difference in Rashaad's case is that, arguments have been something that happens frequently. "Yeah, arguments have happened numerous times," said Ahmad, "You know, sitting at the dinner table, asking questions, you know things come up…"
In the end, do we really know who wins when it comes to parents and children? To what extent can a parent make decisions for a child, and what level of input does the child have? Cultural values impact each childs scenario. However in the end parents want to provide a better life for their children. "The adolescents know that their parents only do this to see them excel in life, Mr. Himachali said. Some choose to do as their parents say, then explore other venues while others decide to rebel from the get-go," were his closing words. By doing so conflicts may arise, and we begin to tread upon delicate waters as to how far we can push the envelope.
